What a Gas

Tuesday afternoon I had lunch with John Seybert at Taqueria el Grullense on El Camino in Redwood City. By 2:00, I was really uncomfortable. I was getting all bloated and gassy... I couldn't get in a postition that would make me comfortable. By 5:00, I was miserable, and by 7:30, I was doubled over on the couch, positive that my appendix had exploded.

Laura Kostrikin graciously agreed to come watch the kids so Luanne could take me to the hospital. I spent two hours in the Kaiser waiting room in excruciating pain. Every time I moved, I would have pain that was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I was running a low-grade fever. The pain was generally in the center and toward the right side of my stomach. I had all the classic signs of appendicitis.

Finally I was put in a bed in the ER. They tried to make me comfortable, but I was so sick. I would grab the sheets and moan as these pains would come... like contractions or something. (I have a whole new respect for women who've had children.) The doctor examined me around 10:00 and said he couldn't tell what was wrong. I would have to have a CT scan; he also agreed to give me something for the pain.

The scan was scheduled for 12:30, and my lovely nurse, Janelle, came and hooked me up to an IV. Then I got to experience my first morphine. Nice; very nice. I got three doses as I waited for the scan and then for the results. I dozed a little but. It really took the edge off. The second nurse I had, Marvin, said it was like a margarita right into the bloodstream.

So, the CT scan came and went. I got in a wheelchair, rather dizzy and somewhat groggy at this point, and the took me to Radiology. About an hour or so later, the doctor woke me with the results.

I had bad gas.

Yes, dear reader, I had nothing more than a bad case of gas. Let me tell you, when you're convinced you need surgery and they come back with news like "bad gas," you just want to disappear. I nearly asked them if they would just go ahead and take the appendix out anyway... just so my pain would be somehow validated and I wouldn't be humiliated!

I'm better today. A little gurgly in the tummy, perhaps, but that's about it. No pain, no drama. I guess it made a good story...